Yes, you have lost me forever. I will never return your smile. I will never reach for your hand. I will never again be comforted by the simple rise and fall of your chest.

I am sorry for everything between us. I am so sorry I ever let it happen. I won't say I never loved you. I did. Truly. But I never wanted anything from you. I just wanted someone to be there. And you were willing. And that was wrong.

I am sorry for fucking you over. I never meant to. But I did, and I don't know how to say I am sorry. You're a damn good person. From day one, you were the best. I guess that's why it was so easy just to fall into it. Because I wanted the attention. I wanted someone good to want something from me. I wanted to be around someone good to fool myself into thinking i was good, too.

I don't want to fall in love with you. I don't want to let myself get hurt. And you will hurt me. You've hurt me so much already. I am scared of you. There's something deep inside my heart telling me this will never last. That we never had a chance. That we are just two opposite people with feelings that had bad timing. But I want you. I like how you make me feel, when I am just close to you. I just want to be close to you. I just want to lay down, and be held by you. Is that okay? Would you do that for me?

I am growing. I am changing. I have been stupid. I have messed up. I have hurt people, people who never once deserved it. I'm trying to pick up the pieces, and give you all the best of what's left of me. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I never wanted anything to end the way it is. I should have been honest. I shouldn't have tried to hide myself. I shouldn't have been so awful. But I am hell-bent on being a good person. I want it. I need it. I understand if no one is willing to stand around and watch my fumbling attempts at this. I wouldn't blame them. But I am not doing this for you, or you. I am doing this for me. That's why it will happen.